Over the years I have tried to encourage women to write about how they accepted their partners' cross-dressing desires. In my rather clinical way I thought that this would be easy for the women, but it is very difficult. The reason is, that the very intimacy of the relationship precludes generalisation - love is a very individual thing.

One of the aims of PDM-PDQ is to provide more understanding to the partners of males with cross-dressing desires. That is why contributions by real women are so vitally important. I should say that in the case of these articles I have to be 100% sure that the writer is a woman, and that she has a cross-dressing partner, and that the two of them are in love, and not estranged from each other. Generally, I have actually met the couple.

I have published two of these pieces before, in the 2000 Christmas Annual. Here are the links:

Now I am honoured to present Dixie's Story. As I have pointed out, writing something like this is difficult, and emotionally draining, for the writer, and I hope it is of help to some of the far-too-many male readers out there who have incomprehending and rejecting partners.
Susan

So you're discovered, or maybe suspect, that he likes to dress like a she...

What to do? What should you do?

You have a very important decision to make...or not ...

1) You can stick your head in the sand and hope it's a phase he's going through ... That's the "or not" part... and keep on with the relationship (well, kind of) and not become involved;

2) You can end the relationship;

3) You can open your mind and heart, and embrace a new place in life.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that finding out about the person you thought you knew, later in a relationship, has got to be difficult.

Thankfully, my experience started out with openness and honesty, for which I am grateful.  He told me within the first few days of our meeting that he was a cross-dresser.  Mind you, I was raised in the deep South of the United States - the literal "Bible Belt" if you will - where the concept of alternative lifestyles is not embraced.  But, my way of thinking about lots of things was not accepted either. I have always had friends of many races, and have always been understanding of different lifestyles. Therefore, my only worry with his revelation was that this also meant that he was gay.... which also meant that the beautiful attraction I felt for him would be impossible.

However, communication is a wonderful thing!  He explained to me that being a cross-dresser didn't automatically make him gay, and he assured me that he was heterosexual. Then, another step deeper... his "second self" was a little girl, age four.  Amazingly, I did not react to this news in a negative way; I didn't see it as sick or "pedophilic" or bad.  I loved him, whatever that entailed, and, if I loved him, then I loved her, and she needed me as much as he.  Obviously I needed her as well - and I knew I needed him.

Prepare yourself to run the course of different emotions, especially if there is any "religious" background in your life.  I have been round and round the denomination roses, and have arrived at the place where I know that God is much bigger that we can even fathom, and He made us all different from one another. I do believe, without a doubt that He understands.  Don't let the opinions of others turn you from your love!

There are those Job's comforters who will try to convince you that there's no way God understands, or will forgive you, OR will forgive him, for what they have decided is sinful actions.   Rubbish!!!  Of course we have free will to make certain decisions, but all the will that we have cannot remove these special needs from your loved one's being. God made us all as we are ... we have nothing to prove to Him.  I think the big conflict comes when we try to live a lie and not walk down the paths we are supposed to.  So, enough of that: now on to day-to-day living ...

Take it slow .... let her reveal herself to you slowly .... communicate about her with the man you love.  You will not need to push the subject; on the contrary, you will find that he will want to share his thoughts and feelings with you as much as possible, and he will want you to ask questions.

Learn all you can about cross-dressers: there are many, many wonderful places to research the subject on the internet.  There is a very deep stratum of emotions tied up in the two personas ... both for the "him" part, and for the "her" part.  You need to understand that coming to the realization, for the "him" part, that there even IS a "her" part, has been a tremendous battle - probably something he has struggled with all his life.  You can pretty well trust that his feelings are nothing new, and that he has had these desires for as long as he can remember.

When you become more comfortable with the idea ... and please understand that you will continue to go through phases of panic and other emotions on your road to family ... he will become more willing to share that part of him that is her.  This will definitely take you to a new level of trust, and trust is a major part of love – and it is an essential part of love.  In my family's case, as we love we discover more about each other, and this strengthens and deepens our love. This is generally true of course, but it is something that helps you to realize that you must be receptive, and not rejecting, if you love a partner who is a cross-dresser.

Just remember ... he can continue to hide this feminine part of him, he can fight it for all it's worth, but it will never, ever leave him, because it is a very deep-seated part of who he is.  It's as much a part of him as his hands or feet.  You will go through painful emotional struggles, but you should also remember that he will go through his own emotional struggles as well.  He will at times want to just throw out all of his "girl" things and turn his back on that part of him (this is called 'purging').  But throwing these things out does not erase her.

Your love and support are vital to him.  These things he has to have ... and she cannot be who she is without being "embraced."  There's lots of psychology and psychiatry (and possibly some voodoo magic!) that I can't tell you about, because I am not a professional.  All I can share is what I have learned and observed, upon becoming a part of the cross-dressing community.

I cannot attempt to give you an "instructions manual" on this subject.  Every cross-dresser is different. Like human beings as a whole, they are all individuals ... the "she" inside is him is not exactly like you, but she is beautiful, talented, inquisitive, emotional, and bustin at the seams to be herself ....

Love will find a way. Listen to your heart, and educate your mind, so that it will open a little wider to a new world for you.  He's worth it ... and so is she.
 Submitted by,

Dixie Golden
(Genetic Girl, 47 years old, Mommy, Aunty, and Soulmate to my Love)
South Carolina, USA