Mr. Blair's reform of Great Britain's government institutions and ceremonies of state took an important step today, with the coronation of Mr. Peter Mandelson as the first King Peter of Great Britain and Ireland.  

This followed upon Mr Blair's reform of the House of Lords, and his dismissal of the old royal family of the House of Windsor, on the advice of Labour backbencher Mr. Alan Williams. 

Mr. Mandelson arrived at Newspace Westminster (formerly Westminster Abbey) in the gilded coronation coach, to the cheering and waving of tens of thousands of New Labour special advisers 
and spin doctors. 

The ancient coronation ceremony went smoothly, and the royal diadem was placed on Mr. Mandelson's head by newly-appointed Anglican Archbishop Dr.Henry Pedafial, who stunned journalists present by confessing that, 'up until the age of 21 - and even for a few years beyond - I actually believed in God'. 

The only problem which arose at the coronation was the subsequent disappearance of the orb, sceptre, and crown itself, which could not be found by the Beefeaters charged with returning them to the safekeeping of the Tower of London. 

Mr. Blair said afterwards that he was 'now greatly looking forward' to his fortnightly meetings with the new Head of State. 

Reuters

Invaluable works of art from Britain's Royal Collection are missing from Windsor Castle.  

Police believe that the theft may be an 'inside job' since there were no signs of forced entry. The missing paintings are valued at tens of millions of pounds.  

A police spokesman stated that the force was looking for a tall, saturnine male of slimy reptilian appearance who, they believe, may be able to 'help them with their inquiries'.