Over the past year, I have received many, many letters from readers asking, 'How can I explain to my wife (or partner) than I want to be treated as a baby girl?' or, 'How can I meet a woman who will petticoat me and attend to my submissive needs?' The sense of isolation and peculiarity felt by many men who yearn for petticoating and baby discipline comes through very clearly in correspondence of this type.

I have no definite answers: there are none. I am contentedly single, but I do know of a few genuine marital homes where the couple are very happily married, and the wife is accepting and actively helpful with regard to her hubby's need to be a submissive, and lovingly petticoated, spouse.

In two of these cases I have asked that the female partner to write something for 'Petticoat Discipline Monthly' which may be of help to others. Something that will, I hope, express a little of the point of view and inner feelings of a kind and warm-hearted woman, whose partner experiences the feelings discussed in these pages over the past year. You have my word that these are genuine, although the names have been changed for privacy's sake. Neither, however, has been written by 'Mrs. W.', in case any readers are wondering. 

There is a basic need within all of us to be accepted.  Since time immemorial, groups of like-minded individuals have gathered together to share common interests and experiences - and to be accepted amongst their peer group.  Other than progressing from the camp fire to the sewing-circle, and now on to the Internet, nothing much has changed.

Of course the drive within us goes much deeper than acceptance, as we look for the love and support that only a permanent partner can bring. So there is no misunderstanding, I have nothing against gay relationships, but my own experiences and comments come from a hetrosexual background, and I am generally talking about male/female relationships.

How sad that, when we go looking for our dream partner, there is so much rubbish and nonsense to be waded through until we realise that, when it boils down to it, we're all different, and all acceptable to somebody. By 'rubbish and nonsense' I'm talking about the kind of articles and 'common lore' that we are fed from magazines and other media.  You know the ones: that tell us ladies how we're supposed to dress and act to attract our perfect partner, and tells the males of the species exactly what is supposed to attract the girls.  Mmmmm....

Of course there are limits.  Few women would find a chap who doesn't have a basic level of personal hygene very attractive, but we certainly don't all go for the muscular he-man stereotypes, as some of these articles would have you believe.

So, my very first point is that you shouldn't be concerned if you're not a 'macho man'. There are plenty of us women out there who don't find muscles and bulk particularly attractive.  Let's face it, if you are reading this in 'Petticoat Discipline Monthly', there's a better than average chance that you're definitely in touch with your feminine side!

The idea that all women are only interested in rugged masculinity in a man is also a myth. There are some of course, but I would dare to suggest that just as many women are more interested in a man's character, his outlook on life, his integrity and humour.  There are more important things to being a good husband and father than simply how butch you think you are.

Looks might attract initially, but personally I'm far more interested in enjoying the company of, relaxing with, learning to trust, having fun with...any potential mate.  So, my second point is that you should relax, develop an open and honest character, and simply be yourself.

Okay, I'm going to speak from my own experience and share some personal details with you. I have been married twice, firstly to a typical 'macho man' - let's call him Tom, and currently to a gentler soul who cross-dresses - let's call him Martin.

Despite being young, I'd known Tom for a few years before we got married. We loved each other, but were never particularly close.  He was a good man but had some very old fashioned ideas about him being the bread winner, and me being the little lady who stayed at home to look after the children.  This was fine in itself, but also extended to his free time, when he thought it perfectly normal and acceptable to go out drinking with his friends every night.  The long evenings were lonely, and on the occasions when we did sit and talk I found that he would rarely entertain discussion about my interests or hobbies.  Conversation tended to revolve around him, and his interests.  In short, I gradually realised that that we had little in common.  He certainly had the reputation of being a 'man's man' amongst his friends, but frankly I found Tom rather shallow and boring.

You might wonder why we got together, and sometimes I wonder myself too! Perhaps I was besotted by the initial attraction and flush of love? Whatever the reason, we drifted apart and after a number of years of trying, the marriage came to an end.  I was devastated, and came to the conclusion that all men are alike and that I didn't want anything to do with them.

Some years later I met Martin and found him to be very different. He was not the muscular 'he-man', nor the stereotypical mincing little sissy that most people think of when they hear the term 'cross-dresser'.  He's a rather nice combination of the two.   There are times when he shows male aggression, such as at a gross injustice, but the majority of the time he is gentle and considerate.

We do have a few hobbies and interests that we enjoy as individuals, but have much more in common than I would ever have dreamed possible with a man.  It is nice to have a husband who is not afraid to comment on the beauty of a sunset, or the prettiness of a flower, who doesn't care what anyone else thinks when we're holding hands in the park, or cuddling like teenagers at the cinema.  It's lovely to be able to discuss clothes, and makeup, and to go shopping with my husband and best friend.  Undoubtedly much of this is due to the feminine side of his character, something that neither of us wish to suppress.

My third point then, is that you shouldn't be ashamed of your feminine nature and that I am sure that there are many women, like myself, who are not turned off by this, but find it adds depth and interest to your character.

I will continue with my personal account and explain just a little about how I first learned about Martin's true character.

We met some twenty odd years ago and had been seeing each other for some months, and despite my previous experiences with men, we quickly fell in love.  Although we talked for hours about all kinds of interesting things, Martin had never told me of his secret.  I knew that there was something different about him, but couldn't quite place it.  As the subject of marriage came up, he told me in roundabout ways that there was something big that he wanted to share with me.  One quiet evening, shaking and in tears, he told me his secret.  The man that I was seriously thinking of marrying loved dressing in girls' clothes.

To be honest, I was shocked - not revolted, just shocked.  Martin told me that dressing up was a part of him, and not just a hobby or phase he was going through, and that he probably couldn't live without it.  He cried when he'd said that he'd understand if I couldn't handle it and preferred a more normal man.

For a while we spoke nothing more about it, but I did think much more about it, and read everything I could get my hands on that discussed the issue.  Several things became clear, firstly that I loved him, and secondly that the feminine side was a part of him, and probably the thing that I'd recognised as being different.  Of course initially I jumped to the wrong conclusions that many uninformed people might, wondering if he was gay, or maybe that one day he'd be wanting a sex change.

After a few more conversations my mind was made up. I loved him and really did want to spend forever together, no matter what he liked to wear.

To start with I decided to support him, and although I couldn't understand what made him want to dress up, allowed him to do so.  It
wasn't that I was grudgingly tolerating him, but just didn't know why or how...basically, I was confused by it.

After a little while I began to see the source of his gentleness and softness, and that there was nothing that was a threat to me. In
trousers or dresses he was the same old Martin, and that we could still talk, share things together, and have fun, no matter how he was dressed.

I won't go into our entire life story here, but over the years we have grown closer and have learned to understand each other far more than I'd ever dreamed possible.  In the same way that I have reached out to understand him, he has done likewise to understand my needs and desires. A partnership isn't just one way, and he is not the only one that needs love and understanding.

As far as dressing goes we have moved on from tolerance, through acceptance, to enjoyment and pleasure. For many years now it has simply become a part of the way that we are. I use the word ' we' deliberately as it affects us both.  I have learned to enjoy the feminine side, and enjoy getting involved.

It has been liberating for me, too. I discovered long ago that putting a pretty dress on and joining in his little girl play was far more fun than simply watching from the side lines.  It is nice to revisit my own childhood and play dolls together without feeling silly.

I enjoy dressing him in pretty things and playing 'Mummy' to my 'little girl'.  After we both overcame the apparent absurdity of it all, it's actually quite fun to lose one's inhibitions and just play together.

There can be positive benefits for both parties.  Martin is quite contented to help with the boring chores around the house with just a
little encouragement, and a very frilly pinny.  We've also successfully worked on curing him of a few bad habits, such as swearing, with the judicious use of a little pinafore discipline, and an occasional over-the-knee smacked bottom.

So, the fourth point that I want to make, is that there ARE women who will be tolerant of you, and even who may enjoy and join in with your play.

I offer the following advice as someone who has had some real world experience with a cross-dressing partner. This doesn't make me an authority or expert, so please come to your own conclusions:

- If you are looking for a quick thrill or gratification, then I suggest you visit a professional person. My comments concern long term
partnerships.

- Don't talk about your unusual hobby on the first date. Feel free to drop a hint or two to gauge her possible reaction to the news, but I recommend finding out if a relationship is likely before you share your secret.

- If you've developed a good relationship and get on well together, there's a better chance of her accepting that dressing is a part of
'good old' you.

- Tell her gently and honestly but don't overwhelm her with information. I needed time to think things through, and I suspect that most women would.

- Any level of acceptance is better than none, but hopefully if love grows, so will the acceptance between you both.  Be realistic though, if she really can't handle it, don't promise to give it up - unless you are sure that you really can.  Few have managed to give up something that is obviously a deep part of who they are.  It is unfair to lie to your partner.

- If things seem to be going okay, please go gently and slowly.  When the cork came out of the bottle with Martin he was like a kid at Christmas and wanted to dress up at every opportunity. Thankfully things settled down, but it is better if you don't over do it.

- By all means carefully explore your limits, but respect each others' feelings.

- Hopefully you'll grow to accept and enjoy the way things are but you're unlikely to ever understand exactly why he feels as he does. Stop worrying and just enjoy.

- Remember that this can be fun for both parties and that having a sense of humour can help!
 

Thank you Susan for giving me the space to share my experiences with all of your readers. There are plenty of sites on the Internet that deal with fantasy, but I am glad that you have given room on your site to serious, honest, and I hope helpful information.

Finally, thank you the reader, for reading my piece.

I am willing to answer civilised questions either through Susan's page, or you may email me on the following address, which I have set up for this purpose.  Lynne_pdm@my-deja.com

Sincerely,

Lynne.

I did not ask Lynne that she set up a mail box for answering questions, and  this is an act of extraordinary kindness on her part. Therefore, I feel bound to add that this is a serious matter. Lynne is a woman, to the outside world no different from most, who has managed to join in, and in part understand, her husband's yearnings. She is not a 'dominatrix' - such a fantasy figure is really no compliment to the supportive warmth of the vast majority of women, and, of course, that is why I have never insulted the intelligence of my readers by pretending to be one myself.

So if you do write to Lynne, remember this, and especially do not write letters merely designed to gain some sort of fantasy stimulation. Only write if you genuinely need advice, on a genuine matter.
Susan