My husband and I have a very loving relationship but he has a psychological need for discipline. If I did not provide it I am sure he would go elsewhere. I suspect this need dates back to puberty and to the public school system. He needs the security of a disciplined environment and is trying to relive that certainty of experience from his youth - when transgression was followed inexorably by punishment. And if that is in your psyche, it is there for good.

That is why, for much of the time in our relationship, he has the persona of a sixteen year old. But he does not choose to be a young lady! I insist upon petticoating as a means of maintaining strict control of the marriage, so preventing it from developing in unsavoury directions.

In the early days, as I described last month, I used to review his conduct once a week, and award appropriate punishments. I have now made this a monthly review, where we deal with serious lapses of behaviour. During the rest of the month I use the gymslip and outfits such as 'peasant' style costumes with long petticoats to maintain discipline.

Getting him to accept the petticoat regime was a major problem at first. He would report to me for discipline in his camisole and french knickers, as previously described, but would not go any further, even to satisfy his desire for the cane. The idea clearly embarrassed him, so if I could overcome this barrier, I would clearly have an effective disciplinary tool that was a true deterrent.

I could not have made that step without the help of my elder sister - a probation officer. She is about ten years older than me and was divorced some years ago. We are very close and she is a regular visitor - and one day I confided in her, expecting her to pour scorn on my marital relationship. Instead, she was very supportive, saying that if she could put some of her offenders into petticoats it would probably transform them!

She agreed to help me and I gave her a key so that she could arrive 'unexpectedly' and catch my husband in camisole and knickers, and in the process of being caned. He was mortified by this experience, and by force of personality - and some subterfuge - we were then able to get him into a petticoat. Exactly how we achieved this is quite a long story and, if Susan has the space, I will describe it on a future occasion. Meanwhile, I have promised to explain the concept of punitive ironing. The monthly review is held on a Friday evening and if my husband deserves punishment it is administered on Sunday or, if necessary, it can occupy the whole weekend.

I am prepared to satisfy his desire for corporal punishment provided he accepts my whole regime without question. Therefore he knows that three strokes of the cane will be accompanied by one hundred lines and one unit of punitive ironing and pro rata. Six strokes equals two hundred lines and so on. If he wishes to avoid the latter he must ensure that he does not deserve the former!

Punitive ironing is a variation on cutting grass with nail scissors or painting coal white - the sort of tasks used by the Services to punish defaulters. My aunt was a WRAF officer for many years and often used punitive ironing to discipline strong willed girls who kicked over the traces.

My method is to keep a large pillow case full of petticoats and knickers in the detention room. These are cast-offs and items acquired from charity shops. The punitive ironing task is set in units. One unit is a black waist petticoat and knickers, a black full length petticoat and knickers and two similar sets in white. That is, eight garments in all. These have to be pressed to perfection with all lace trim starched, each garment folded symmetrically, and without a wrinkle in sight. If the work is below standard, all or part of it has to be repeated.

The work is done in the punishment room, and during disciplinary weekends he wears his gymslip and full school uniform for the whole weekend. My sister Mary is invariably present on these occasions and often supervises the work for me.

He finds her presence totally intimidating. She insists on being addressed as Aunt Mary and at the slightest sign of insolence she stands him in the corner for 30 minutes. He is always very meek whenever she is in the house. She expects him to be on his very best behaviour at all times and, apart from the punishment weekends, she usually visits me two or three times a week.

We have agreed that my husband - whom she now calls Georgina - must wear a dress or blouse and skirt, with a petticoat, whenever Mary is in the house. This creates a degree of apprehension and contributes wonderfully towards my over all control.

I am now established as head of household with the bank account, utility bills and car registered in my name. This makes it easier to maintain the regime, as he is now dependent on me, and we've now reached a point where he puts on knickers, tights and a camisole as a matter of course when he gets dressed for work, and he wears them all day under his business suit!

Well, I think I've probably outstayed my welcome, so I'll leave it there. If Susan can find the space for me, I'll fill in a few more details on a future occasion.
With best wishes,

Emma Pascalle

What a superb idea, for undisciplined soldiers, 'punitive ironing' sounds. Painting coal white can scarcely be of any practical value, although I suppose it would save one washing one's hands after bringing in the coal for the winter night's fire. But a good session of punitive ironing in the nearest women's defence forces laundry, under the strict supervision of a female sergeant, would surely work wonders with any miscreant. Possibly the soldiers being punished could wear khaki pinafores as well.

If any readers agree, they might put their thoughts in writing to the Minister of Defence. A lot of the 'traditional' punishments in the defence forces are absurd, and could do with an overhaul which should be directed at being more helpful and deferential towards women.

I am glad to see that Emma has established full control of the household finances. Many marriages in the past broke down because the husband wasted much needed money on drink or horses. How much better and happier were the marriages in which the wife had full control of the purse strings, and the husband was obliged to hand over his pay envelope unopened. Generally in such homes petticoat discipline was a major force in creating this ideal relationship.
Susan