Dear Susan,

I’m writing to you now, using every ounce of strength I have within me, because if my desires and feelings ever became public knowledge my life would be over and this is no joke, I would be completely mortified.

I am now 19 years old and have had feeling about cross-dressing since I was 16, but I am completely baffled regarding  where these feelings come from, and what I am to do in the future concerning such feelings. The thought of submitting to a dominant woman and being dressed as a young girl is incredibly exciting to think about, but I have mixed emotions about doing such a thing.

On the one side the thought of such a thing happening feels so incredibly good inside its hard to define properly, yet I realize, as good as it may feel, that my actual appearance in such attire would not be at all nice, as I am a large 6`2`` male with several health issues to be considered in all activities I undertake: this includes being incredibly hairy (a side effect of some medication I am on). I find myself thinking whether I should shave with a men’s electric shaver, a women’s water shaver, use that cream that burns hairs off, or even get waxed (which is not appealing as I don’t like pain). How do I go about exploring such intimate feelings?

I still live at home with my parents, and although they are fairly open-minded people I just couldn’t tell them this, and the thought of dressing with my parents in the house makes me feel ashamed. I will soon be moving to university accommodation where I will have very little privacy, and I have no spare money for having fun.

What has also got me stumped about my situation is that I am a very strong-willed person; no one pushes me around as I will not take insults from people. I’m not saying that I’m mean and a bully, just that I am fully capable and willing to defend myself. This strong attitude to life is a complete opposite to my innermost desires, yet the thought of letting down these defences is scary. I even feel that perhaps I would not be able to submit, even though the thought is exciting.

I find myself searching through the internet, which I won’t be able to do once at college due to with history-tracking software, I look for anything to do with age play from informative sites to simple shops selling clothing other such items, I even find myself worrying about hidden cameras in my own bedroom, thanks to TV shows where people have been secretly videotaped for some reason of other, the Truman Show film comes to mind as well. Is my fear to great as to not allow myself to enjoy the actual experience which I fond myself in so many ways yearning for?

 I must say on this note that, having come across many sites, yours is by far the nicest, and that when I am reading the letters I find myself wishing that I was in the situation which the writer found so unbearable (at least in the beginning).

How can I be sure about my feelings? Is this just some whim at the end of puberty, or is this going to be with me for the rest of my years?  Any insight would be gratefully appreciated.

Thank you in advance, and for your quarterly publication.

C.D.

I don’t think the feelings will go away, but I would certainly not seek such a relationship at your age.  And I do agree that at this stage you would not allow it to happen anyway. Obviously you feel guilty about looking at ‘age play’ sites in your room at home. That is absolutely normal, and shows you are a moral person.

Certainly don’t shave your hair off for this reason. If you are going to college there will be lots of enjoyment of various kinds there, and I would not brood over these ‘little girl’ feelings. Only time will tell how strong or lasting these yearnings are.

Just imagine what it was like for submissive cross dressers in their teens before the internet! And yet they got through it. Certainly at university there was too much other intellectual stimulation, and all kinds of interests, for their ‘little girl’ feelings to ever overwhelm them.

The causes of crossdressing are unknown. Believe me, psychiatrists and psychologists know no more than you do. I have thought that it might be a product of the mother's pre-natal desire for a girl. If the desire were very strong, it might be accompanied in the mother by hormonal secretions which cross the placental barrier, and although the sex of the child obviously could not be changed, the brain or mind of the developing child might be modified in a feminine direction.

However there is much evidence against this, as I have subsequently realised. Crossdressers in their day-to-day life are very male. There is no doubt that there is a sexual difference regarding the degree of mess which can be tolerated in a house. Male crossdressers who live alone...well, their standards of interior decoration are distinctly male. That is as tactfully as I can put it. And of course take them to their local pub and before they have ordered their first pint of Newcastle Brown they are engrossed in an endless discussion about football.

Why do they find it pleasant and satisfying to indulge in the prissily feminine and submissive feelings which are somehow a part of their mental makeup? I don't know. And I don't think we will have the answer until next century, despite the speed of progress of science these days.

Hello Susan. I was wondering if you could answer this. When I was a little boy between 4 and 9 I recall running around and playing in pleated skirts, and having to wear cable knit knee socks, and even heavy cotton cable and rib knit tights, with shorts and skirts.  I recall being told that the tights were "long underwear," but I knew they were tights. I recall too wearing rather extra long knee socks that came over my knees with shorts, and wore these socks under my pants when I went to school.  Was this being "petticoated"?
Thank you,
Stacie

There is usually some disciplinary reason when we talk of being 'petticoated', but it could also apply to you being dressed in girls’ clothes for your mother’s pleasure. So I would say yes.

Dear Susan,

I am trusting you not to release any names as I don't want my husband to know I have asked you for the details. I have something in mind, and would like a piece of advice. I have tried to purchase a dummy big enough to fill the mouth, and stop any chance of talking.  All those I have found so far, mainly from joke shops, still allow speech.  I notice some of your letters say that a dummy was tied in place with baby ribbon and that stopped him talking.  So where did these women get their dummies?
 
I would be most obliged if you could tell me.  All the internet sites I have looked at do not show one big enough.
 
I love your web site and thank you for giving me many ideas.
Many thanks,
Margaret.

Can any readers help? Some dummies are TOO big, and are simply meant as awards at office parties and so on. Pet shops supposedly used to stock dummies for puppies etc., but these would probably not be sissy enough in design for dummy discipline purposes.

Dear Miss MacDonald,

I am 43 years old and live in New Zealand. I have been wearing lingerie since I was 9 years old, and I buy it myself. The lady at the shop knows that the things are for me, and even makes sure that they fit me properly. I like satin and lace and silk and lace, because the lingerie feels so soft. My partner Robin likes to see me in fancy lace panties too.

I have heard that there are stores in Europe that sell the latest fashions in ladies' lingerie, and that make the same for a man as well. I have seen 'manties' but they are not really what I am looking for. Can any readers help me? If so, please write to Susan. I would be very grateful – we don't get much variety in the shops in New Zealand.
Hoping that you can help,
Rudy D.

Can any readers help Rudy?