Dear Auntie Helga,
For as long as I can remember I have loved the look, the feel, and the effect of wearing the clothes of a little girl. Even now at 47 years of age I have a large collection of little girl dresses, frilly knickers, petticoats, ruffled white ankle socks, Mary Jane shoes, ribbons, wigs, and other pretty girlish accessories all especially made to fit me. I adore being dressed and treated like a five year old.
I do not know why or what makes me want to dress up in this fashion, I only know that I do. Perhaps it was because I was raised in a family of females. My father left us when I was six years old and Mummy had to struggle to bring up me and my two sisters. Lesley is my older sister by one year, Janet is younger by five years, and we are still a very close family, although Mummy died recently after a long illness. To attribute my love of pretty frocks and all the trimmings to the fact I was raised in a household of females cannot be right. I am sure there are lots of men who were brought up in much the same circumstances who do not have the same leanings as me. Adult little girls are rare, but not as rare as some might think, thank goodness, I consider that my love of being a little girl is a gift, something I was born with, and I thank God that I was. Perhaps it could be proven that there is such a thing as a "little girl" gene. If there is then I am positive that I have several in my body.
I would like to share with you this almost true story of events in my childhood that I still clearly remember today. I was ten years old watching Mummy combing Janet's hair. Janet had long, straight, brown hair, and Mummy would spend ages with her on the floor sitting between her knees, combing and brushing before putting the gleaming locks into charming ringlets. I would pretend to be reading my comic or book, but Mummy knew I was watching. "If you grow your hair longer David, then Mummy will put it into ringlets for you too" Mummy once teased. I blushed scarlet as Janet and Lesley both burst into uncontrollable giggles. "No thank you, ringlets are for little girls" I blustered, completely embarrassed by Mummy's words, but secretly wishing that she would indeed put my hair into girlish ringlets. I decided to grow my hair, it was very fashionable at that time, and within a year it was quite long.
When alone in the house, I would sneak into Janet's bedroom, and squeeze myself into those of Janet's clothes that might fit me without ripping them. I would put my hair into bunches and tie them with ribbons, then I would pose in front of the mirror, wishing that I was a little girl instead of a boy. I would also dream about being caught dressed up like this although I dread to think what I would have done. Fortunately it never happened.
From the age of eleven I attended a boys' Secondary Modern School. There was a girls' school attached but separated by a high wall with a small connecting gate. The only time we mixed with the girls was when going home or when the girls were led across our small playground to a new block of buildings for lessons.
I was a fifteen year old Fourth Former when one of my dreams came true. My desire to dress as a little girl had not diminished, in fact it seemed to have grown stronger. My hair, which had only been trimmed at the ends since I decided to grow it, was now shoulder length. Unlike the other two boys in my class who had similar length hair, Mummy washed and brushed mine daily making it luxuriantly thick for a boy. I used an elastic band to keep it tied back in a fashionable pony tail. Our drama teacher, Mr. Stevens, announced that he intended to put on a "major production" as a school play. Mr. Stevens always thought he was directing the Royal Shakespeare Company rather than a class of twenty five bored and uninterested school boys. When he announced the subject of the play my ears pricked up. "We will produce one of the 'Just William' stories" he said. Now, I had read most of the Just William books, for in their pages was my favourite fictional character, a precocious little girl called Violet Elizabeth Bott. Violet Elizabeth Bott was a lisping, mincing creature who screamed and screamed if she did not get her own way and who always wore the frilliest prettiest little girl frocks. Her fictional mother thought that keeping her daughter in such clothes would keep her out of trouble, which they singularly failed to do!.
The class gave a collective moan at the subject of Mr. Stevens play except me. They too had either read or seen the 'Just William' stories on the television. "Not 'Just William' sir, we will have to wear short trousers" one boy called out "can't we do something else?" My hand was up like a shot. "Please sir, can we do 'Just William and the Gang Go Hunting'" I suggested. "Good idea David" Mr. Stevens smiled, glad that at least one boy was enthusiastic about his project. The story I had suggested was my favourite 'Just William' tale as Violet Elizabeth Bott featured on almost every page. Mr. Williams later handed out copies of the book, which he signed out of the school library. "Your homework is to read the story" said Mr. Stevens as the bell went for home time. "You can choose which character you want to play, every one will get a part" he shouted as we noisily left the class room "I will write the stage play" he added talking to himself. That night Mummy noticed the smug look on my face. "What are you looking so happy about Darling?" she asked "Nothing Mummy" I responded with an air of hurt innocence.
I did not need to read the book as I had read and re-read the story, I almost knew it word for word. I knew the character I wanted to be in the play, the question was dare I volunteer to be Violet Elizabeth Bott? Dare I act out the part of a precocious little girl in front of the whole school? I knew I would become a laughing stock but it was my big chance, I determined to do it no matter what the consequences. I could hardly wait for the drama lesson. Mr. Stevens glowed with pride holding up his play. "I hope you have all read the book and decided which part you want to play?" he loudly announced. "Now who would like the part of William?" Three boys put their hands up for what they thought was the star part. Mr. Stevens chose Michael Chriton. He then asked for volunteers to play the members of William's gang and these were rapidly chosen. My heart was thumping heavily and my throat nervously dry. Next came the part of William's father, then William's older brother. I was beginning to feel physically sick.
'Well, we will have to ask one the girls to play the next character, Violet Elizabeth Bott" he announced looking at his casting list. I was horrified. Automatically my hand shot up. "Yes David?" he asked. "Please sir" I croaked hardly able to speak "May I take that part" The whole classroom erupted into laughter. "Are you sure, David" he queried noticing my crimson face. "Yes sir, honestly sir, please let me have that part" I begged. "It's yours David" he laughed along with the rest of the boys who were chanting "Violet Violet" by this time. When all the parts had been given out and the class had settled down we were given our scripts. Mine was agreeably long as Violet would be on stage almost as much as William. I read the top of the first page "Character... Violet Elizabeth Bott... a precocious, simpering, seven year old little girl who talks with a lisp" Mr. Stevens had got it absolutely right. All my lines called for me to lisp like a little girl. I was in heaven.
In the playground things were different. "Here comes Violet Elizabeth Bott" Michael Chriton sneered "fancy wanting to play the part of a little girl, you big sissy" Chriton began to laugh and jeer at me and all the others joined in. "He won't need a wig with his girlie hair" someone remarked "I can't wait to see him in a dress" another chimed in The word spread like wildfire throughout the school that I had volunteered to play the part of a little girl and from that moment I was called Violet Elizabeth by the other boys. I felt totally embarrassed but secretly I adored being called a girl's name.
That evening at home at the supper table Lesley, who had obviously heard the news as she - together with Janet - attended the adjacent girls' school, waited for her moment. "Mummy, did you know we have another little girl in the family?" she sniggered. "Haven't we Violet Elizabeth?" My face blushed purple. Lesley explained what she meant to Mummy and Janet. "I was picked for the part" I lied. "No you weren't" she laughed and she raised my hand up "he volunteered to play the part of a little girl" Mummy and Janet were now laughing too. "It is only a play" I shouted rushing out of the dining room with tears in my eyes.
Later Mummy came to see me in my bedroom where I lay on my bed reading my lines. "I am sorry if I laughed at you, Darling" she apologised and sat down next to me." I did not realise how important this was to you" I apologised too for storming out of dinner and then took a deep breath. Mummy was an excellent seamstress making most of my sisters' clothes and some of mine. My heart was beating wildly as I prepared to make my request. "Mummy, would you, could you, please make my costume" I almost whispered showing her a picture of Violet Elizabeth Bott in one of her prettiest party frocks. Violet's hair was in gorgeous ringlets adorned with two lovely bows of ribbon and she wore frilly white ankle socks and black patent Mary Jane shoes.
"Oh Darling!!! Are you sure you want to look like that?" Mummy gasped. I nodded. She shook her head, hugging me close to her and kissing my cheek. "Your father has a lot to answer for" she said, softly stroking my hair "I will make your costume if you are sure this is what you want". I could only nod my head. "I will buy the material on Saturday" she promised. "Please Mummy, may I come too so I can help chose? I begged. Mummy agreed and I was in heaven.
Our first read through of the play took place a week later in the classroom. None of the other boys had bothered very much with their parts and read them robotically directly from their sheets much to Mr. Steven's dismay. But I was his star. I had no need of my script having devotedly learned the words off by heart. I lisped my lines in a high pitched girlish voice much to the class' amusement.
Nobody likes a show off, especially a bully like Chriton, whom I was totally upstaging already. In the playground the next day he and his menacing gang of toughs surrounded me. "Oooooh pweath thir, I'm onwy a wittle girl" he mocked referring to my acting of the previous day. I tried to push past him only to be grabbed by the gang. "You should be in the girl's school Violet Elizabeth" Chriton sneered pulling two lengths of wide pink ribbon from his pocket. Whilst his friends held my arms tightly he gathered the hair either side of my head, fitting an elastic band to maintain the shape, and then took great delight in tying a piece of ribbon into a bow over each band producing two girlish bunches. A length of rope securing my hands and arms behind my back ensured I could not interfere with my new hairstyle.
I was then marched towards the gate that separated our school from the girls. I desperately looked around for a teacher to rescue me but in vain. "Time to join all the other girls Violet Elizabeth" Chriton laughed opening the gate. I was pushed into the girls' playground with the gate slamming shut behind me. It was their playtime as well and I was immediately surrounded by laughing, giggling, girls, jeering and making comments. "Look, it's Violet Elizabeth, doesn't she look sweet with bunches in her hair" " Oh what lovely ribbons, Violet Elizabeth" "You should wear a girl's uniform too if you are going to play with us" Fortunately there was a female teacher on playground duty who rescued me from my tormentors, untied my hands, undid my ribbons, and led me back to the boys' playground.
Henceforth I studiously avoided Chriton and his acolytes spending my time in the classroom perfecting my part. Mummy finished my costume within two weeks. It was beautiful; not only had she made the dress from the taffeta silk I had helped choose, she had added a set of frilly white petticoats. The play was not going to take place for another two weeks but, with Lesley and Janet's support, I pleaded with Mummy to let me try on my new clothes. She lovingly dressed me in the outfit as though I were a little girl of four or five being prepared for a children's birthday party. I had never been so thrilled and ran around the house in childish excitement twirling my dress and giggling madly. I was in total ecstasy as I stood in front of my bedroom mirror swishing my dress and petticoats around my bare white thighs. At last I was the pretty little girl I had always wanted to be. From the short puff sleeves of my pink taffeta party frock, to the lace frilled hems of the white petticoats that peeped sweetly from under my dress, to the white ankle socks with their pink ribbon bows and matching patent leather pink Mary Jane shoes, I was Violet Elizabeth.
"Hurry up, David, we want to see too" Lesley and Janet called up the stairs. My legs were like jelly as I nervously made my way down the stairs and into the parlour where my sisters broke out into fits of giggles. Mummy hushed them and turning me around checked the buttons at my back and adjusted the bow in the wide white sash around my waist. Like a naughty little girl I stuck out my tongue at my grinning sisters who reciprocated similarly.
Mummy had me stand on a stool so she could check and adjust the turndowns on my white ankle socks ensuring they were the same for each leg. I then sat down with my petticoats riding up and suddenly realised I was not wearing any knickers. Janet realised the cause of my concern and quickly left the room returning with the frilliest pair of white baby style kickers with layers of overlapping lace. Mummy looked slightly shocked: "Oh Janet, Darling, I do not think David wants to wear those, they're ever so girlish' but one look into my eyes told her she need not be troubled as I allowed my younger sister to slip them over my feet and pull them up my bare legs.
I was in heaven. Mummy took me in her arms and kissed me tenderly and then watched as my sisters hugged and kissed their new little sister. I was allowed to wear my outfit until bedtime when Mummy informed me that it would be put away until it was time for the play. I watched her hang my very own little girl outfit in the wardrobe. I was so happy. The dress rehearsals for the play took place a week later in the school hall. I carried my costume to school covered by a black plastic bag. "Here is Violet Elizabeth with her pretty dress" sneered Chriton as I entered the dressing room, the rest of the class sniggered at his pathetic remark. Chriton was already in his costume, grey shirt with a stripped tie, blazer, short grey trousers, long grey turnover top socks, one pushed down to his ankles, and heavy black lace up shoes. "The girls dressing room is in here" Chriton laughed pushing me towards a cupboard "you wouldn't want to get dressed in front of us boys would you Violet Elizabeth".
"Hurry up everyone" Mr. Stevens' voice called from the stage, "I want you all on stage in three minutes" Reluctantly I allowed myself to be pushed into the empty cupboard where the door was immediately slammed shut behind me. The laughter from the dressing room diminished as the class filed onto the stage, leaving me alone to get dressed as quickly as I could, once I had my costume on I tried to leave the cupboard, the door had been locked. "David, are you in here?" I heard Mr. Stevens outside. "In here sir" I called out knocking on the cupboard door. "Oh my goodness David" Mr. Stevens gasped when he saw my clothes for the first time "it is a bit elaborate isn't it" I ignored him, shrugging my puff sleeved shoulders before asking him to fasten my buttons at the back and to tie up my sash.
The laughter rang louder than ever as I walked onto the stage my pink shiny Mary Jane shoes echoing on the hard wooden surface. Once Mr. Stevens managed to gain control of the class we commenced the rehearsal. It went very well. Chriton made a very good William as he was a natural leader and had obviously put a lot of effort into his part, not wanting to be out acted by me. I minced around the stage walking with pigeon toed steps, elbows pulled into my sides, and my hand flapping childishly, while lisping my lines in as little girlish voice as possible. "William, if you do not take me into the woods with you" I squeaked "I will scweam and scweam and scweam intil I am thick" stamping my pretty foot for effect. "Very good David" Mr. Stevens congratulated me. "Alright boys that will do for today. We will meet again in three days time" We began to troop off the stage.
"David can I have a word?" Mr. Stevens held me back and once alone gently squeezed my hand between his. "Have you ever had acting lessons?" he asked. "No sir" I replied resisting the temptation to lisp and speak in a girl's voice. "Have you thought about joining the local amateur theatre group? I am a member and would introduce you if you would like to come along? You are very good and I am sure you could play other girls' parts for the company". It was as though he understood how I felt and there appeared a knowing look in his eyes. "I would like that very much indeed, sir. Thank you, sir" I smiled back while squeezing his hand in return, swishing my skirts around my bare thighs with my other, my fingers fiddling with the frilly hems of the petticoats. "You look very pretty" he added. "Thank you, sir". He slowly let go of my hand and I happily minced from the stage bathed in a warm glow of pride, reveling in the feel of my frock as it moved from side to side as I walked, and feeling deliciously feminine. I also felt coquettishly flirtatious towards Mr Stevens and wanted him to know it which, I am sure, he did.
I was pleased to see that dressing room was empty until I realised my boys' clothes were missing. I searched the cupboard where I had changed to no avail; Chriton and his friends had stolen them. I made my way back onto the stage to inform Mr.Stevens of my plight, my footsteps echoing even louder in the empty hall, but he was nowhere to be found having left too. There was only one thing for me to do, walk home dressed as I was. The word must have got around the school because as I emerged from the school hall, I realised the playground was full. My reaction was to turn back into the building "Oh no you don't Violet Elizabeth" I heard a boy shout, I was pulled away from the door which was then held firmly closed by three of Chriton's gang. The whole school seemed to be jeering at me in my costume. I took a deep breath and made my way towards the school gates gritting my teeth as my hair was pulled, my dress lifted, and my frilly knickered bottom pinched viciously from behind. I tried to ignore the jeers and the catcalls. "Violet, Violet pretty little Violet" "Love your dress Violet Elizabeth" "Show us your frilly knickers Violet Elizabeth" "You would make a great fairy on a Christmas tree Violet"
I was almost at the school gates when a grinning Chriton stepped into my path. "Out of my way" I spoke clearly, glaring at him. "Just where do you think you are going Violet" he sniggered "the girls school is that way, I am sure all the girls will love to see you in your pretty frock" "Where are my clothes?" I demanded to know. "You are wearing them you big sissy" he laughed. I only hit him once. I thought he would have put up more of a fight, but he was a typical bully. One good punch on his nose and it poured with blood. I had to leap back as I did not want any on my precious clothes. "I will tell my mother of you" he wailed. "Tell her a pretty little girl beat you up" I shouted after him as he ran through the playground crying. The whole playground turned the derision on Chriton calling him a cry baby as he pushed his way past them.
I turned to make my way home but I was soon surrounded by giggling girls leaving school as I stepped into the street. They were even worse than the boys and I could not punch these little vixens as once again my hair was pulled, my skirts lifted, and my frilly bottom pinched by eager hands. "Leave my brother alone" Lesley shouted, pushing her way past the girls to rescue me. "Don't you mean sister" some wag shouted to a burst of laughter. Lesley took my hand firmly and forced a way through the crowd to make our way home. My elder sister had rescued me and I now felt secure. The night before the play soon came round, we were to do three performances, one for the boys' school in the morning, one for the girls' school in the afternoon, and one for the parents in the evening. I was feeling a little nervous even though the play was not until the next day. As we finished supper I looked across at Mummy, my throat dry, my heart thumping like a drum. "Mummy?" I croaked "would you put my hair into ringlets for tomorrow?" I dared to ask, my face crimson with embarrassment. My sisters giggled. "I do not think that would be wise Darling" Mummy answered "don't you think this play has got you into enough trouble" "Oh please, Mummy" I begged, looking at her with pleading eyes. "Go on Mummy" Lesley urged "Yes he really wants to have ringlets Mummy" Janet joined in. Mummy shook her head "If that is really what you want" she smiled "go upstairs and wash your hair and Mummy will get the rags ready" I hugged her tightly and rushed up to the bathroom.
It was absolute bliss as I sat between Mummy's legs feeling my hair being combed and tied tightly into the ringlet rags. I recalled when I had seen her do this to Janet when she was younger. A wave of pure delight washed over me and I knew then that all I ever wanted to be was a little girl. Lesley and Janet watched with amusement and fascination as my hair was slowly transformed into a mass of coloured rags holding my future ringlets in place. Once all the rags were in place, Mummy pulled a pink hair net over my head. "Mummy will take your rags out tomorrow, darling, now I suggest you go to bed early as you have a very big day ahead of you tomorrow". "Little girls should be in bed early" Lesley teased. I put my tongue out at her. We all broke into fits of girlish giggles. I went to bed a very happy little girl and could not wait to see my hair the next day.
I was first up in the morning. I laid the table and prepared breakfast for Mummy and my sisters. I then dressed in my normal school clothes, a flutter of butterflies building up in my stomach as my excitement began to grow thinking about the day's forthcoming events. Everyone in the house seemed to be as keyed up as I was, Lesley and Janet could not wait to see my hair taken out of rags, neither could I. As Mummy lovingly removed each piece of thin cloth a corkscrew spring of curled hair dropped past my face and my head was soon a mass of Shirley Temple ringlets. "Oh Mummy he looks lovely" gushed Janet and Lesley together. I was allowed to look in the mirror and blinked in disbelief at my pretty ringlets which looked so out of place with my boys' clothes.
Lesley produced a wide pink ribbon and I stood patiently still allowing her to loop it under my hair at the back before she brought it together on top of my curls, tying it in a big ribbon bow. I turned and kissed her before hugging her tightly. "Darling, you can't go to school looking like that" Mummy informed me. She carefully refitted my hair net before putting on a loose woollen hat over my curls. "That should hide your pretty ringlets from those horrid nasty boys, Violet Elizabeth" she smiled, hugging me tightly and placing affectionate kisses on my cheeks and forehead. "Now off you go, my sweet little girl, Mummy will see you later".
"I love you so much, Mummy" I squeaked in my practised little girl voice. "I love you too, Violet Elizabeth" Mummy gushed. She turned to Lesley and Janet "now you see that your little baby sister does not come to any harm on the way to school" "No Mummy" they giggled "come on Violet Elizabeth, take our hands and let us take you to school, little girl" I needed no encouragement. I could still see Mummy shaking her head as I skipped off between them.
The first performance was a great success. As we were doing the next one straight after lunch we were told to keep in our costumes. Since I had punched Chriton I had quite a few new friends who did not mind being seen with a little girl in the playground. In fact a couple of them told me how brave I was and how they wished they had the nerve to dress up like me. The girls' school loved the play. I produced squeals of laughter and applause as I minced about the stage, pouting, lisping, and stamping my feet for their delight. I received a standing ovation and cheers when I curtseyed to the audience at the end.
We were told to go home for dinner before the evening performance, I decided to remain in my dress and waited for Lesley and Janet outside the girls' school gates feeling perfectly comfortable dressed as a little girl. I felt like a star as the girls filed out, congratulating me on my performance. I was even asked to do my "Scweam and scweam" lines for them again, for which I willingly complied much to their delight. Mummy was only mildly surprised to see me come skipping home holding tightly onto Lesley's and Jane's hands. She fitted me with one of Janet's old pinafores whilst I had dinner as she did not want Violet Elizabeth ruining her new dress.
Mummy walked me back to school for the last performance. She had given me one of Janet's dress coats to wear and a floppy beret that perched prettily on my curls. "My gorgeous little girl" Mummy gushed as she hugged me before I went on stage. I was ready. She was so proud of me as I curtseyed, taking loud applause from the adult audience. "Well done Violet Elizabeth" she mouthed as she clapped her hands, I gave her an extra special curtsey. Afterwards Mr. Stevens introduced me to his actor friends who he had invited to see his play. They were very impressed with my performance, especially when they realised I was actually a boy, as Mr. Stevens had purposely omitted to tell them so that they could judge my abilities. I was invited to their amateur dramatic group which met three times a week and Mummy agreed that I should join their ranks. I skipped home merrily holding onto Mummy's hand, smiling up at her as she smiled back. I felt so happy being Mummy's little girl. "You may wear your dress whenever you feel like it Violet Elizabeth, but please only in the house or the garden". Oh Mummy, thank you" I pouted. "I prommith I shall be a good ickle girl".
The following evening she sat me on her lap once I had changed into Violet Elizabeth and read the report of the play from the local newspaper as Mr. Steven had invited a reporter to promote his play. The report read... "the pretty teenage girl who played the part of Violet Elizabeth Bott, Davina Warrender, was exceptional. She pouted, lisped, and minced around the stage just like a precocious little girl adding an unexpected and amazing vibrancy to the character of Violet Elizabeth Bott. It was fascinating to see how a girl of fifteen could cause such a suspension of belief and utterly convince the audience that she was a mere child of seven..." the plaudits went on, their was even a photograph of me curtseying to accompany the article. We were all amused but very pleased that the reporter actually thought I was a girl.
The play caused so much excitement in the local community that the amateur dramatic society I had just joined decided to put it on themselves, with me being cast once again in the role of Violet Elizabeth Bott. I experienced the wonderful pleasure of being dressed as a little girl with my hair in ringlets in public several times more. I look back upon this time as the turning point in my life, the little girl inside of me had been introduced to all my family, and I no longer had to hide the fact that I loved to dress up and act like a small child in the frilliest of outfits. Mummy and my sisters did not discourage me from dressing up, in fact I have several more tales to tell about my adventures in petticoats, most instigated by Lesley and Janet who were thrilled to treat me as their little baby sister .
I never made it into the professional acting ranks as I only seemed to be able to play the part of a little girl with any great success. It was as though I was simply playing myself. One advantage was that I nearly always played female roles, usually those of a younger girl rather than an adult. Mr Stevens was very encouraging and would compliment me on my dresses and frocks and tell me how pretty I looked. I loved his attention and we became very close. It was through the AmDram society that that I met my future wife, Caroline, a wonderful lady who has always accepted and encouraged my little girl side with no inhibitions whatsoever. She allows me to indulge in my desires and helps me to dress up whenever it is convenient.
Mummy used to visit us often before she sadly passed away. She would take me on her lap dressed in my pretty Violet Elizabeth outfit, and call me her darling little girl. Since her death I have always addressed Caroline as "Mummy" and we have a wonderful mother and little girl relationship. We do not have children and Caroline sees me as her daughter and never as an adult male. She is firmly in charge within the relationship and, like any small child, I must do as I am told if I want Mummy's love and affection. Lesley and Janet also visit often take an active role in my life as a little girl. They still treat me as their baby sister talking to me as though I were a little girl and buying me dollies and other toys for my birthdays and Christmas. When Caroline/Mummy goes away on business either Lesley or Janet moves in as my babysitter as I cannot manage on my own.
Thank you Abigail for bringing us this delightful story. I'm sure our readers will find it as sensitive and amusing as I did. I hope that you, Suzi, approve of our publishing this.