A brief introduction is in order; Mistress Alison is a good friend and a very knowledgeable and experienced Mistress, she has also been a frequent contributor to PDQ. She is now available to answer questions from both Mistress and sissies alike, assuming a respectful tone of course. These email conversations may well be included at some future date in PDQ though a request for privacy would be respected. Feel free to write her at email@example.com and please don't waste her valuable time asking "where / how can I find a Mistress?"
Dear Mistress Alison
I am writing to ask your advice about petticoating my husband. This is not because I’ve caught him doing anything he shouldn’t or I’m unhappy with his behaviour, quite the reverse. It’s just that after more than a quarter of a century of stable and it has to be said rather staid married life, and now that our children have fled the nest I think it’s high time for something different in our lives and in my case a little excitement. I did some research on the internet and came across the concept of female led relationships, which aroused my interest. While my husband has never been in any way submissive, throughout our married life if I told him something was important to me or I really wanted him to do something, then he would always do it. More importantly if I told him I didn’t want him to do something he never argued. So I thought maybe an FLR would be the way to go.
Researching FLRs led me by a circuitous route to your most interesting website. I read the advice you’ve given to others and to use a very old fashioned expression I liked the cut of your jib. Not only do I find the idea of petticoating him exciting, and more than a little arousing, it is something I think he might be persuaded to go along with. I should make it clear that I’m not interested in the more outlandish or extreme aspects of petticoating, I love my husband and unlike some of your correspondents I certainly don’t want to change him out all recognition, beat him senseless or otherwise abuse him.
Where and how do you recommend I should start?
First allow me to applaud your decision to reinvigorate your marriage. All human relationships are organic things and when they cease to grow they begin to wither and die. Unsurprisingly I think your choice of petticoat discipline as a way of doing so is a wise and sensible one. Thus far I have never come across a woman who has regretted petticoating her partner, though it is probably fair to say that if any do exist they are unlikely to write and tell me about it.
You say that your husband has “never been in any way submissive” but in my experience all men have some degree of submissiveness, and some are very submissive; they just never admit it, at least not to their partners. If you doubt this type the word “dominatrix” followed by any town or city into any search engine and see the number of results that come up; from Oshkosh to Okinawa there is an army of professional dominatrices out there, all of whom must be making a living. I think the first letter I ever received was from a man who desperately wanted to tell his wife he longed to be dominated by her and serve her as a sissymaid, and I can assure you he is very far from being alone. So your task is nothing like as difficult as it might first appear. I wouldn’t mind betting that if you appeared in the bedroom in nothing but a pair of black high heeled boots wielding a riding crop and said, “On your knees, slave!” He, along with 95% of the male population, would obey you without question, and with a big erection. However, should you decide to try this approach, and it is something that deserves serious consideration, it is important to bear in mind that while huge numbers of men are turned on by the idea of domination and might even be aroused by a few gentle flicks with the crop, when it comes to genuine domination involving real pain most men will wimp out.
The key to all successful relationships is communication and since I am a great believer in honesty and openness my preferred option would be to sit down and talk. By which I don’t mean enter into negotiations, I mean sit him down and tell him that for some time you’ve been aware there’s been something lacking in your personal life and this is what you to propose to do to rectify that situation. If you make it seem like a sex game to spice up your love life as a couple and tell him it’s something you really want him to do for you, then if what you tell me about him is accurate it’s hard to see how or why he would refuse.
Or you could try the salami slicing technique whereby you introduce it gradually as a game. Start by telling him how sexy you would find it if he wore your used panties i.e. you wear them Monday, he wears them Tuesday and so on through the week. Tell him how arousing it is for you to think about him wearing them, add other items of clothing one by one over time and if you meet resistance tell him you really want him to do it for you because it turns you on and is just too sexy for words and nobody else is going to see him or ever know. It’s just your own very private sexy little secret, breaking a taboo, being naughty together, and you’re getting damp just talking about it. Make sure he gets lots more attention and plenty of kisses and cuddles, stroke him between the legs whenever you can and tell him how excited you are knowing he is wearing your panties and how you can’t wait to get to the bedroom to take them off him. If objects to anything stop doing this and tell him he’s old meanie spoiling the fun and you thought he loved you and would do anything for you. He’ll soon get the message.
If you are confident enough of his agreement you could try the chastity version of this. Buy a chastity device and tell him that in order to spice up your love life he is going to have to earn his orgasms. The idea is that you set a tariff so he gets one orgasm for every so many he gives you using his hands and his tongue or a combination of both. So for example you might start with one for him after he gives you three using his tongue alone. Once he understands the rules lock him up and hide the keys somewhere he can’t find them, or wear them round your neck where he can see them but not touch them. Begin with a very low tariff and lots of playful teasing so it’s fun for him as well, then gradually increase the tariff until it’s much more fun for you than it is for him. Once you have him securely locked up he’ll be in no position to argue. Given the choice between spending a day curtsying in frillies and spending another week locked up without an orgasm isn’t going to be a hard decision for him.
I cannot overstress that whichever route you take to get your husband petticoated, putting him into enforced chastity is a must. There’s an old saying, “If you grab ‘em by the balls and pull hard enough their hearts and minds will follow.” It is also deeply symbolic of your authority and his new status. It also gives you the opportunity for amusement and teasing; tie his hands and secure his legs then remove his chastity and play with what is now your penis, it may be attached to his body, but it is now yours to do with as you wish. To give him pleasure, to give him pain, or to take him to the very edge before locking him up again without an orgasm.
Similarly, even if you have no intention of beating him then several instruments of correction are vital tools in keeping him under your thumb. He must believe that you will use them if necessary. A riding crop or a cane, or both, kept on prominent display in the bedroom will convince him that obedience is always the best course. If you look at some of my earlier letters you’ll see what I consider to be the basic punishing requirements for a Mistress. I always carry something, usually a tawse, in my handbag should kitty require instant correction when we are out and about. Just opening your handbag to discreetly reveal its contents can often have the desired effect of bringing an errant sissy to heel when in public.
Now we get to the real crux of the matter, what are going to do with your petticoated husband? You say you don’t want to change him out of all recognition, but the very act of petticoating will change his physical appearance and it will give you power. You also say you don’t want to beat him senseless, but you will have the whip hand in your new relationship. How are you going to use the power? You may think that having that power won’t change you, but I can assure you it will. Having a fully sissified male kneeling in front of you with eyes respectfully lowered and knowing that with a snap of your fingers you can make him do absolutely anything you choose is one of the most erotic experiences there is, and it’s addictive. Before I began my own journey to becoming a Mistress I firmly believed I would never deliberately hurt another human being, but today I have such a large collection of disciplinary instruments that I need a special room to store them in, and they all get used.
When I was first starting out one of the most important pieces of advice I was given is that there is no right way or wrong way to do this. Petticoating, which is essentially a Dom/sub relationship, follows the same immutable laws that govern all human relationships. You have to decide what you want out of it and then be prepared to experiment and try things out, see what works for you personally and for you as a couple. I could give you very detailed advice about how to turn your husband into your 24/7 sissymaid, but that might not be what you want or it might not be possible in your particular circumstances. It may turn out that once he has experienced domination and petticoating that your husband will want to go further than you do, something that happens far more often than might think. You might want just to set aside one special night a week where he becomes your sissified slave. You may try it and decided it’s not for you. The possibilities and permutations are endless.
Please feel to write again if you want further advice on any specific aspect of petticoating and write to the main site to let us know how you get on.
I wish you both well for the future.
Dear Mistress Alison
Thank you for your advice and cogent comments.
I am also a believer in plain speaking and honesty so it took very little deliberation for me to decide on your own preferred option, talking. I told Martin I had something important to tell him and that we needed to have a serious talk. He looked alarmed at first, but as I began to tell him about what was lacking in my life and what he was going to have to do to rectify matters his expressions changed, first to concern, then to bafflement, then wariness and finally what I would describe as great distress. I thought at one point he might actually cry.
I thought he was upset at my plans, but I was wrong. When I’d finished he put one arm round my shoulders and with the other held my hand. I could see there were tears forming in his eyes as he said, “Why didn’t you tell me this before? I never knew you were unhappy, and so how could I have put things right. Why didn’t you talk to me?” I didn’t answer him because I couldn’t. Then he said, “If this was what you wanted, what you really wanted, all you had to do was ask and I’ve done it, or lest tried my best to do it. I’d do anything to make you happy. I thought you knew that.” Once again I had no answer and must admit I felt a bit foolish but I managed to pull myself together and say, “So you’ll do it then?” He answered, “If it’s what you truly want, then yes. For you I’ll do it. Or at least I’ll give it my best shot, though I can’t pretend that I even begin to understand it.” I moved my face very close to his and whispered, “Yes, Martin. It’s what I want.” He moved his head back slightly to focus on my eyes and told me, “Then I’ll do it.” I kissed him gently and just said two words, “Thank you.”
He asked me, “So what happens now?” I told him to go to the bathroom, have a shower and then shave off all his body hair and get in the bath for a soak. He gave me a questioning look as he said, “All my hair?” I told him not his head obviously but everywhere else. He said, "OK, if that's what you want," gave a shrug of his shoulders and went to the bathroom. I immediately went to the computer and remembering the advice you gave to slave B went to some of the suppliers you recommended. It took only a few minutes to order a Vice chastity, belt doesn’t seem appropriate but a Vice chastity thingy, plus a junior school cane, a Duchess riding crop and a spanking paddle with one side softly padded, both from from Quality Control.
I went and examined Martin’s body and told him to give me his razor and went over one or two bits he’d missed, and as I shaved him I understood exactly what you mean about power being erotic. I then poured some of my scented bubble bath in and told him to lie down. I knelt next to bath and kissed his lips before telling him I was very pleased with him and I wanted him to keep himself hairless from now on. I reached into the bath and felt him and he was as hard as a rock, harder than I’ve felt him in a long time. He said, “I think I might be going to enjoy this.” I said softly, “You will if you do as you’re told.” He smirked and said, “That shouldn’t be too onerous, but what if I don’t?” I squeezed him hard as I told him, “Then you might not.” He twisted in the bath splashing me a bit and gasped, “Take it easy. That hurt.” I stroked him more gently as I said, “Good. Now we understand each other. From now on you not only wear what I decide, but you do what I tell you. Or else.” He gave a nervous laugh as he said, “Nothing new there then.”
I told him to get out and seeing he was still ramrod erect I grabbed his penis and said, “Come on, we don’t want to waste this.” I led him to the bedroom holding his penis and we made very satisfactory love. It wasn’t even midday and it felt very wanton and decadent. Afterwards I made him put on the panties I’d been wearing, they were a very snug fit so in the afternoon I went back to the computer and ordered him some pink ones in a larger size that would fit him properly.
I’m still waiting for everything to arrive but I don’t think I’ll have any problems. Martin seems to be enjoying all the attention he’s getting, and has told me he quite likes the feel of my underwear, which he wears under his normal clothes when he goes to work. So far I’ve been very gentle with him and have told him over and over again how pleased I am he’s doing this for me and that knowing what he’s wearing under his trousers is a huge turn on. Sex has been better and more frequent than I can remember for a long time.
From reading Petticoat Discipline Quarterly, rather an odd name for a monthly publication, there seem to be three basic petticoated stereotypes. The infant, the school girl, and the sissymaid and I’m not sure which I want Martin to become or if I want him to become any of them. I thought of trying them all out for a period and seeing which one I liked the most, but the cost of buying three sets of underwear, shoes and clothes would be prohibitive. Also ladies shoes in his size all appear to have infeasibly high heels which would make him even taller than me and look clownish. Is looking ridiculous part of the training?
Yours sincerely Debbie
Congratulations you have made an excellent start and I’m sure Martin’s petticoating will be a great success. He seems more than willing to meet you half way and provided you give him lots of praise and encouragement will continue to offer no resistance. And if he does you will soon have the implements to deal with him in the appropriate fashion. I would suggest you add a nursery cane to your collection, I get mine from Trussed, they give an intense sting without much bruising, just the thing for applying to Martin’s fingers immediately before he leaves for work to remind just who is his boss now.
I suggest you make locking him into his chastity device (the word device covers just about every different design) a solemn and serious moment and once he’s safely locked up make a big fuss of him before outlining your new regime. I would compile a list of rules regarding things like how she should address you, when to curtsy and anything else you can think of, it can be added to over time, and make her learn it by heart. At some stage you can add the level and nature of the punishment for breaking any of them. Note the change of gender in my use of pronouns. There’s no need to decide what manner of sissy you want at this stage, concentrate on the basics and everything else will follow naturally. However, my own view is that it is an enormous waste to have a sissified male who is not usefully employed, hence my preference for sissymaids. You have already discovered that petticoating improves your sex life, add to that having all your housework done to the highest standard and what’s not to like?
Once Martin (have you thought of a femme name?) has a capsule set of underwear; panties, suspender belt, stockings, petticoat etc and at least one pair of shoes you can add to it and mix and match, pretty much as you would for yourself. If it was me then I would be looking to end up with a schoolgirl uniform with white socks and sensible shoes, ideal wear for punishment and especially the writing of lines, something I would strongly advocate your sissy be set on a regular basis. A plain cotton maid’s uniform for housework, the schoolgirl shoes can double up here, and a much smarter maid’s uniform in satin or taffeta with high heels for when she is attending to your personal needs. A wig, make up and accessories can follow. The one thing I do think is essential for a sissymaid is a corset. It improves her figure and posture, prevents slouching and is a constant reminder to the sissymaid whose authority she is under. However these are just my personal opinions and as I wrote before there is no right way to do this. Most important of all, have fun.
Please let us know how things develop.