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Dear Auntie Helga, My wife Carol and I first met over two years ago when she became the manager of the office I worked in. Even though I was in my early twenties I felt I was destined to the life of a bachelor, somehow I'd never managed to have a lasting relationship with a woman. I always felt that being a bit under average height and my slight build put women off me. When I had my first performance review with Carol she told me she'd read my previous reviews and essentially agreed with them. My previous reviews said I only just managed to do my job to the minimum standard. Carol also said that there was more to life than work performance and she and I got along well and that was worth a great deal to her. Within weeks of her arrival someone was leaving so there were after work drinks in a nearby pub. I was amazed when Carol got me on my own and asked me to go out with her the following weekend. Seven months later we were married. From the outset Carol seemed decisive, if we were going out she always suggested where, she picked me up in her car, if we were going to have a drink she would arrange a taxi and drop me off before it went on to her place. Three months after our first date she proposed we get married, on the same evening she told me plainly there would be no sex before we were married. When we were first married life was wonderful, Carol and I were happy together. When Carol let me know how much she hated doing housework, I began to help a lot more, after a while I more or less did it all. I was already a reasonable plain cook and knew how to clean and dust. Carol took a great deal of time and patience to make sure I could do washing and ironing to her standard. Amongst other things, I learned to separate colours, materials, dry some things outside in, take proper care of lined skirts, take care with hooks and eyes, fine zips and catches, to use the iron at the correct temperature and how to iron each item, especially her delicate things. Carol was also determined I should use the same names and terms as she did for all her things I remember being glad one day when she told me how much she appreciated me not only doing her laundry but also hanging and arranging for her, I really felt that I'd learned some things that were important to Carol. At the beginning of June Carol suggested that I might like give up my job to stay home and keep house. Initially I said no but after a week or so she raised it again, saying she earned more than enough for both of us, she hated housework and I liked it so it would be a better arrangement. Carol was right, within a few weeks each weekday morning I was happily kissing her goodbye, closing the door of her car then going back inside to my housework. I found it was much easier than holding down my job and doing most of the housework and it freed up a lot of time on evenings and weekends. In the middle of July Carol had a serious talk with me. She told me she felt she could improve our relationship and make sure it lasted by making some changes. When I asked what changes, Carol put it to me that since we'd met she'd always taken the initiatives, for example asking me out, organising nearly every thing we did, proposing to me and since we were married taking care of everything except housework including all our financial business. When she asked if I thought her making the decisions had been good for us, I had to agree it had been. Carol pointed out that if I thought about it I'd realise that she'd hardly ever asked me before she suggested something, so she felt it best to keep it that way. She spoke for a long time before eventually saying she wanted to introduce changes in the same way but I'd have to learn to trust her completely, not be too concerned about the future and go along with the things she wanted. I was convinced she was right because everything she'd said was true and we were happy. On a Saturday at the start of August Carol went shopping in the morning and asked me to have lunch ready for her when she came back. At lunch she said she'd bought a pair of jeans for me. After I'd cleared away I tried on the jeans, as usual they needed shortening so she pinned them up. Carol had a lady called Joan who did sewing for her, Joan lived a couple of streets away so Carol had me take the jeans to her. When I came back Carol called from the bedroom, she showed a pair of white cotton knickers and asked what thought about them, I said they seemed fine. Carol said if she cut the labels off before she knew they fitted properly it would be hard to take them back for exchange. As she handed them to me she reminded me about her wanting to make changes, it was only then I realised she wanted to know if they fitted me. On the Monday afternoon Carol rang from work and said Joan had the jeans ready and could I go and get them and have them on when she came home. The length was spot on but I soon noticed the pockets both front and back were sewn so I couldn't use them. I told Carol about the pockets when she came home, she said she was introducing a change. Within that week she'd had Joan sew the pockets of all my trousers. On the Friday we went shopping in the evening, I told her how awkward I found it to be without pockets, I had to put my comb in my shirt pocket and carry my wallet. Carol seemed sympathetic and said things like key's, hankies and coins would be a real problem. She resolved the problem by giving me a green canvas carry bag from a supermarket. Later she told she'd decided to have my pockets sewn because in future she didn't want me to put my hands in my pockets, she wanted me looking neat and bulging pockets were anything but neat. Since then whenever I'm out I carry a bag of some kind. One evening Carol laid a pair of my underpants and the white knickers on the coffee table and pointed out how the elastic in the underpants was stronger and wider than the elastic in the knickers. Going on she said that unlike mens underpants knickers were'nt robust enough to have either the waist or leg elastic stretched regularly, so when I used the toilet when I was wearing the knickers I should lower them to my ankles and sit. Over time Carol bought me more knickers, now I wear them everyday. One Saturday in late December Carol took me shopping, she tried on lots of clothes and insisted I say with her all the time. Often when she's doing that kind of shopping we split up for a couple of hours, but this time she even had me go into some of the change cubicles with her. By mid afternoon she'd tried on lots of things but bought nothing so we had a coffee. As we sipped our coffee Carol asked if I remembered a navy skirt we'd both thought was nice. It would have been hard for me to forget, she'd looked at it about half a dozen time and tried on twice and it was the only thing she tried on in ladies wear in one department store. When I said I did remember it, she told me to find it and buy it in a size 12, Carol's a size 16. Carol stayed in the café while I returned to the store. Looking through a rack of skirts, checking labels for sizes then finally buying one made me feel ill at ease. When we got home Carol used the skirts loops to put it on a hanger, kissed me softly on the cheek, hung it on my side of the robe then said to let her know when I was ready to make the change. The skirt's still on the hanger. Tamette Tamette's wife wrote... Hi, At my suggestion my housekeeper Tamette has sent you a number of emails. The reaction to the fact that you replied was a hybrid of excitement and concern. Fortunately or unfortunately I'm a busy woman with little time to spare therefore my contact with you may be short and infrequent. I'm encouraged that you may consider placing the longest of Tamette's emails on your site. I have not read any of Tamette's emails, nor will I in future, of course if you place anything on your site I will see that. I feel allowing and encouraging Tamette to keep a diary and keep in contact with someone other than me will assist Tamette to more easily deal with the path we have embarked on. I've decided against Tamette accessing your site directly and will copy articles or letters I feel are relevant and helpful and have Tamette read them. Tamette has been persistent in asking me to write to you, the fact that your reading can be fully attributed to Tamette. If you require information which is not forthcoming from Tamette please let me know. Carol Thank you for your letter Tamette. I'm think you should trust Carol to do what's best for you both. Auntie Helga |